Jian
by Teddiii
Summary: Tessa can't sleep and a stroll is just what she needs but strolling in a place like this is bound to get messy. Rated T for blood.


Tessa had been awake for hours, just lying in her night clothes unable to shut off her brain. She wished that there were some sort of lever she could figuratively pull in her mind that would make her fall asleep. Pondering this thought, she decided it was completely absurd and could no longer occupy her.

Sitting up, Tessa imagined that she could hear the faint patter of rain of the roof and walls. Internally she groaned, wasn't it wet enough already? She didn't want to hear any more rain. If she was being honest with herself, then there was only one thing she really wanted to hear; Jem playing the violin again. She'd only heard it once and that had been rudely interrupted by Will.

Standing up, Tessa decided she needed to take a walk to tire herself out. She used to wonder the house in New York at night if she couldn't sleep. Figuring that just because she was in London, it didn't mean she would have to change her habits for anyone.

The floor was cold and each step was agonising as she walked toward her boots. Slipping them on carefully and pulling on a dressing down someone had hung by the door, Tessa stepped out into the corridor.

Suddenly her ears were assailed by a ghastly noise, someone screaming and loudly. The sound came from Jem's room, just across the hall. Moving hastily to the door, Tessa knocked and was greeted with a surprising face; William's.

"Tessa? Go back to bed. There is nothing here that concerns you," he murmured, quite rudely. Behind him, Tessa heard Jem scream again. Only this time, there were words.

"Mama!" he screamed and he sounded as though he were in a great deal of pain, "Mama!"

"What's wrong with him? Will, what's wrong?" Tessa asked loudly, panic rising inside her.

"He's ill, Tessa _go to bed_," Will said again, an anxious gleam in his eye, "and tell no one you were here."

"No Will, I refuse to hide again. I know Jem's story so tell me what is wrong with him and let me help!" again, from behind Will, James screamed louder than ever.

William, abandoning all pretences, and Tessa, moved to hold a thrashing Jem down. She moved into the dimly lit room and moved to stand behind Will.

"What can I do?" She asked softly, letting concern for James seep into her voice.

"Get the box, the box he keeps his medicine in. It's on the nightstand," he grunted, "_hurry_."

Tessa all but ran to the nightstand, she ran as though someone's life depended on it. Which, she thought wryly, it did. Yanking the silver box on the table, she handed it to Will with shaking fingers. He took the box and she was surprised to see that he too was shaking.

"Hold him down," Will commanded, "I'll try to give him the medicine."

Doing as she was told, Tessa grabbed Jem's arm and pinned them to the bed beside him. However the rest of him continued to thrash as though he were in a great deal of pain. The screams coming from Jem were more frequent and accompanied by great spasms. He shook his head from side to side, his legs curling up underneath him and the straightening out, like a spider or a cockroach on its back. But Jem, sweet Jem, could not be compared to a cockroach.

"MAMA!" Jem screamed, spitting blood as he did so. Will looked at Tessa and Tessa looked at Will and their eyes pleaded with each other to do something. However it was Tessa who acted.

"I'm here Jem, James. I'm here Jian," Tessa said, her voice shaking, but she continued on, "I have something that will stop the pain Jian."

Jem quietened as Tessa whispered the name his mother had given him. His stopped thrashing and only whimpered. Tessa, tears forming in her eyes, reached out and stroked his head, willing herself not to cry. She would not cry in front of them.

"Jian, open your mouth so I can give you some medicine," Tessa whispered, feeling as though barriers were dissolving where she stood. She felt as though she were using a purely sacred name, as though she were lying. She felt despicable, Tessa was not James Carstairs mother.

Jem opened his mouth slowly, his jaw quivering. William stepped forward, and Tessa slipped her arm expertly under Jem's head and lifted it so Will could sprinkle the silver white powder into James's mouth with a trembling hand. Then, reaching behind him, Will brought a glass filled with water to Jem's pale lips. He drank steadily and when he had done, fell back into the pillows and went asleep.

Trembling more than ever, Tessa pulled her arm out from under Jem's head and gently brushed the hair away from his sticky face. She couldn't believe what she had just seen. Tessa had never realised how seriously ill Jem was. Certainly, she had seen him collapse outside the Institute when they had run from the automatons and she had seen him spew blood on the ground, the very first night they had met. Never, however, had she seen him hallucinate so profusely.

Will touched her lightly on the shoulder and gestured to her to follow him out. She nodded and turned back to Jem, "Goodnight," she whispered. A tear slipped down her cheek before she could stop it but it never occurred that she should brush it away.

"Sleep well, little Jian."

Stepping out into the hallway, Tessa felt to warm fingers touch her wrist. Jumping slightly, she turned to face William whose face was shrouded in shadow.

"What you saw in there tonight, what you did, don't ever repeat it, too anyone. No one besides you and I know exactly how ill James is getting," He said, voice low and urgent, "You saw how sick he is. What you did Tessa, how you knew..." Will trailed off, shaking his head.

Tessa was taken aback by Will's tone. She had given Jem his medicine; that was all. He was ill and she, Tessa, had given him medicine. Will made it sound as though she had saved Jem's life; as though he truly had been on the brink of death.

"Will, what do you mean "how I knew"?"

"Why did you call him 'Jian'?" Will asked, his whole hand grasping her wrist now, with an excruciating tightness.

"Ow Will, ow, Will, let go of me!" Tessa said loudly, clawing at his hand with her free one. He relinquished it instantly, but still stood closely to her. She could feel the heat of his skin. She would almost feel his heart beat make vibrations in the air.

"How did you know?" Will asked again, voice low and, though Tessa refused to believe it, threatening.

"He... he told me. When he told me what happened to his mother, he explained the name, Jian. Just before, in the room, Jem was calling for her. So I pretended to be her, to make him take the medicine and to help him relax," Tessa whispered, without realising she was doing so.

Will shook his head again and Tessa, already filled with emotion and who was sick of not understanding, could not stand much more. She was sick of Will and every small thing he did, she didn't understand his motive; she didn't understand him.

"Damn it Will! What is so bad about Jem telling me his story? He was right to tell me otherwise I would have blamed myself! Otherwise I would not have known, well, _that_, and I would not have been able to help him!" Tessa yelled furiously.

The look on William's face, Tessa decided, would have been quite comical under other circumstances. However, he regained himself quickly and Tessa could see, his features did not take on mild amusement, but anger.

"What's so bad? I had to force the story out of him Tessa! I kept asking and asking and demanding to know why he was so different! But you, _you_, come along and he tells you almost instantly! He trusts you, and he shouldn't!" Will yelled at her, rage twisting his features and for the first time in quite a while, Tessa was scared of a shadow hunter.

She cringed as he yelled, but when he was done, curiosity, burning brightly inside, she asked, "What's so bad about Jem trusting me?"

"You just don't get it! He's a shadow hunter, and you're a Downworlder, a warlock! Those races, out races, they are not supposed to be together Tessa! He wants a future and by trusting you, he is trying to get one! Something he knows he can never have! He trusts a warlock with his secrets rather than The Clave and if they found out, he and you would be in serious trouble," Will's chest was heaving as was Tessa's.

She was filled with a renewed rage. As if it wasn't bad enough that men were discriminatory towards women, now Will, who she thought was above discrimination, was against his best friend trusting a warlock.

"So you're saying that Jem trusting me, a warlock, as you put it, is a bad thing?" she asked in a deadly quiet voice. He looked slightly taken aback.

"Yes."

"Why?"

Will rolled his eyes, as though the answer was perfectly obvious. Tessa wanted to hit him as hard as she could. She balled her itching hands into fists and held them as tight as she could by her sides.

"Warlocks have demon blood in them; Shadow Hunters have angel blood in them. They are our counterparts and no trust or anything else would ever keep intact between them."

"You just told me I was a warlock Will!" Tessa yelled.

"I know," he replied, determined to miss her point.

"That! That right there is the difference between you and Jem! He sees me as Tessa, as a human in every way that counts. That's all he sees, none of this Downworld nonsense! He sees me and sees nothing bad in me; he doesn't judge me based on what I am but rather who I am. He sees Tessa and he likes me!" She said, her eyes blazing. She took a step closer to him, poking his chest to emphasise her point, a point which he didn't get.

"I don't understand," Will replied, confusion in his voice.

"You see me as a Downworlder, a warlock, something to be despised and then you see me as Tessa. You do not even like me then! There is no human in your views of me, and that is the difference Will, something you need to learn. Jem was right, you think about which is either good or bad for the Nephilim, not about what is good or bad you anything else," and with that, Tessa turned a stalked away.


End file.
